Why we need to stop giving back

A few years ago I was watching Oprah talk with John Travolta. I wasn't really paying attention to the television screen until I heard one of them say: "Doesn't it feel good to give back?" The other one heartily agreed. I remember that moment as the time I started paying attention to that expression and how often it is used.

The more I heard it the less I liked it. The essential idea behind using the term give back seems well-intentioned, but unpack that semantic baggage and you've got some seriously dirty laundry. Every single time I hear it I can't help but complete the sentiment in my head. It goes like this:

I'd really like to give back to my community because let's face it, I took too much the first time!

Hidden in plain sight is the notion that with abundance comes obligation and a requisite amount of guilt. The quest for wealth is made less problematic because one can so easily get rid of this guilt by giving back. Thus you can be admired for your accumulation without incurring any righteous disdain because you've done your part to relieve the burden the rest of us must feel for not being you.

Thus begins the push-me-pull-you schizophrenia of the desires we are conditioned to possess and the unrelenting terror of having no upper limit so that we may know exactly when it is time for us to give back. Tell me John, was it before or after you bought that first jet? I'm thinking--after.

If you have any doubt about whether this whole do-I-have-enough-money business is a creepy, ew-inducing insanity, all you need do is discover the etymology of the word tithe on Wikipedia.


Believe it or not I was raised a good Christian so I had a little background with this concept:

...the New Testament scriptures are seen as teaching the concept of "free will offerings" as a means of supporting the church...

That should read supporting the work of the church which presumably is caring for the less fortunate. And what about free will?

I must have tuned into this philosophical conundrum early on because I can remember after church one Sunday when I was a kid one of my parents grousing at how little some of the other parishioners put in the basket. What made it so easy to feel superior?

Not for me thanks. But not so fast. The sad fact in understanding conditioned responses is knowing that you, too, have never escaped them.

How we use language is a hugely conditioned response. Its power to perpetuate stupidity continues unquestioned unless we simply start making better choices with how we describe important concepts.

I want to encourage people to make free will offerings anytime they feel so moved, but if you didn't take too much in the first place, what the hell do you think you are giving back? No one wants your guilt, everyone needs your love.

This post is dedicated to my kindred spirit Noam Chomsky.

P.S. If you would like to read more on a related topic I highly recommend this excellent article by Ian Svenonius.

You lost me at overachiever

I occasionally get hung up on words. Guess which one it would be in this sentence: "This is a fun, creative work-from-home position with a positive, enthusiastic group of overachievers."

Uh-huh. That's the one, overachievers. So what's my problem?

Fluff and no substance. Attitude and perception without discernment and definition. All the things I hate. Whenever I hear that word my antennae shoot up, my red flags are hoisted, I bare my teeth. Over, under, or normal. Really? Are these the only choices?

There is something so primitive, so lizard brainish about using this word. Verbal darwinism. What will the overachievers be able to take credit for? You could argue that Richard Fuld was an overachiever. He walked Lehman brothers into the largest bankruptcy in history. But hey, he's an overachiever, what do you expect?

Aim high, take big risks, you're the man...blah, blah, blah. Is it any wonder a person with my sensitivities ends up as corporate detritus, doesn't quite engage properly, wonders what all the fuss is about? I'm a den mother without a passel of willing collaborators. I'm a nomad estranged from my tribe. I'm told, look from within to find the answers. They may be there, but then I must turn myself to the world as it is, and what do I see?

A call for greatness that has no precedence. It's never been seen before. We're looking for someone to save us, and we'll know it when we see it. Just convince us you're the one.

And so my journey continues. I learn great things about myself and very sad things about the world in which I live. I see holes that need to be filled where no openings exist. My greatest service will probably be performed in a very different field, if entry is ever made.

Will I be achieved, enough? Convincing, enough? I'm not holding my breath.

And for the privilege of being this firm's overachiever you'll be offered $500/wk on a 1099 basis.

Oh, joy. Onward trusty steed......